No thank you, I am a pixie!

I stood before the mirror and said out loud, “Lord, what am I supposed to look like?” This had been brought on by recent weight gain, new shorter hair cut and the return to my original hair colour, dark brown from a honey golden blond. Who was the woman in the mirror and how could she be 43? I also saw pain in the eyes coming from deep within. I read a book that had made a profound statement which really stirred my heart. I must go through the pain not mask the pain. But if I didn’t mask the pain that means I would have to feel it. Was I up for that?

I made the decision to not medicate myself to numb the pain. I was “using” at a staggering rate. Before you start panicking I was “using” salty crunchy snacks to help alleviate the pain and it had cost me huge. (No pun intended) This is North America’s acceptable drug of choice. But looking in that mirror I decided to say no. Just say no to snacks.

I know who I am in Christ. But who am I in this body? When I asked God to tell me what I was supposed to look like? I heard in my heart, "You are a little pixie". It was like a term of endearment. Where did that come from? This is not a word that is in my vocabulary. What is a pixie and what does it look like?

So I looked up the definition

Pixie- a type of fairy or elf often depicted as having pointed ears, wearing a long pointed hat, and being cheerful and rather mischievous.

I just stared at the page. I have a problem with the pointed ears and long pointed hat but I smiled when I read cheerful and rather mischievous. That sounded like the girl I used to know a long long time ago. Then I looked at my bones. I have tiny bones something that had escaped my notice for a very long time. I looked in the mirror again and said, “I am a pixie.” A small woman with no extra baggage, that knows who she is in Christ and is full of the cheerful joy of the Lord and is a little out of control. Not in a sinful rebellious way but in an untamed, free spirited way. Someone who is not afraid to step out and go for it. Someone who dreams regardless of the naysayers. Someone who dares to meet the giant head on with no fear. Someone who loves a challenge. That someone needs to be me. That someone is me. God is in me in the presence of His Holy Spirit and He wants me to fly not crash. It is time to spread my wings and fly.

So enemy of the pixie in me. Watch out. I have put on my armor and you will fall by the hands of this little pixie of a woman with the God of the Universe residing in me. I am not destroyed and am not defeated. I have figured it out. I know who I am and the power that is available to me. You have lost.

By the way, when I am offered a salty crunchy snack I will say, "No thank you." But inside I will be saying to myself "I AM A PIXIE". HAAAA HAAAA! I know that this may sound strange but I can't tell you how it has made me smile to have passed on snacks while flashing a mischievous smile.