No thank you, I am a pixie!

I stood before the mirror and said out loud, “Lord, what am I supposed to look like?” This had been brought on by recent weight gain, new shorter hair cut and the return to my original hair colour, dark brown from a honey golden blond. Who was the woman in the mirror and how could she be 43? I also saw pain in the eyes coming from deep within. I read a book that had made a profound statement which really stirred my heart. I must go through the pain not mask the pain. But if I didn’t mask the pain that means I would have to feel it. Was I up for that?

I made the decision to not medicate myself to numb the pain. I was “using” at a staggering rate. Before you start panicking I was “using” salty crunchy snacks to help alleviate the pain and it had cost me huge. (No pun intended) This is North America’s acceptable drug of choice. But looking in that mirror I decided to say no. Just say no to snacks.

I know who I am in Christ. But who am I in this body? When I asked God to tell me what I was supposed to look like? I heard in my heart, "You are a little pixie". It was like a term of endearment. Where did that come from? This is not a word that is in my vocabulary. What is a pixie and what does it look like?

So I looked up the definition

Pixie- a type of fairy or elf often depicted as having pointed ears, wearing a long pointed hat, and being cheerful and rather mischievous.

I just stared at the page. I have a problem with the pointed ears and long pointed hat but I smiled when I read cheerful and rather mischievous. That sounded like the girl I used to know a long long time ago. Then I looked at my bones. I have tiny bones something that had escaped my notice for a very long time. I looked in the mirror again and said, “I am a pixie.” A small woman with no extra baggage, that knows who she is in Christ and is full of the cheerful joy of the Lord and is a little out of control. Not in a sinful rebellious way but in an untamed, free spirited way. Someone who is not afraid to step out and go for it. Someone who dreams regardless of the naysayers. Someone who dares to meet the giant head on with no fear. Someone who loves a challenge. That someone needs to be me. That someone is me. God is in me in the presence of His Holy Spirit and He wants me to fly not crash. It is time to spread my wings and fly.

So enemy of the pixie in me. Watch out. I have put on my armor and you will fall by the hands of this little pixie of a woman with the God of the Universe residing in me. I am not destroyed and am not defeated. I have figured it out. I know who I am and the power that is available to me. You have lost.

By the way, when I am offered a salty crunchy snack I will say, "No thank you." But inside I will be saying to myself "I AM A PIXIE". HAAAA HAAAA! I know that this may sound strange but I can't tell you how it has made me smile to have passed on snacks while flashing a mischievous smile.

I met John Boy at Target!

In a previous blog entry I mentioned my love for The Walton's. You know that T.V. series from the seventies. I left for Rochester with the girls the next morning after entering that blog. We made great time which allowed plenty of time to shop at my favourite place. Target! (Pronounced Tar-jay) We set the time and place for us to meet and headed off in different directions to shop. I only needed a few small items that I had forgot so I was killing time meandering through the store. I was in the music/video section all by myself when I started humming the theme song to the Walton's show. I was still thinking about the blog entry from the day before. The weirdest thing happened. As I am humming I find myself looking into the eyes of John Boy Walton. That's right! In front of my face was the 5Th season of the show on DVD. I have never seen that before nor would I have ever guessed that they would even have an old show like that on DVD. So.........I bought it.

We all check out and everyone is showing what they had bought and I proudly showed my eye liner, body spray and the 5th season of the Walton's. They all just looked at me. I had to explain why this was special to me. My thinking was that we could watch a few episodes on the way home on the DVD player in the van.

Here is the funny part......On the way home we decided to watch not the Walton's but the DVD of the comedian we had seen at Women of Faith. So Kimberley reached up and pulled down the screen. It wasn't a screen but a sunglasses holder. This was a rental van. We thought we had a DVD player and it was a sunglasses holder. This is classic "us".

Earlier tonight I watched the first episode of season 5. As soon as I heard the theme song I start tearing up. I loved it. It is just plain good wholesome TV. Yea!!!! John Boy!

Periodically...........

Well…….we had an unbelievable time away last weekend. After traveling and shopping on Friday we made our way to the arena where the conference was being held. We found our seats and settled in for an amazing evening of laughter, encouragement and fantastic music. I realized while I was sitting there Friday night that this was like spiritual oxygen to me. I must have come in the building blue. It was like flying with someone and the entire cabin loses pressure and the oxygen masks fall out of the ceiling. The attendants are very clear that if you are traveling with someone who cannot care for themselves that you put your own mask on and then put the panicking persons mask on. I, in this case have been the panicking person…..so Christine put my mask on Friday night (I was sitting next to her) and the life giving oxygen of worship and Word filled my lungs.

The next day was equally encouraging and when the day was over I think I even danced in the parking garage. FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! Yippee! We expressed this new found freedom as we each got into our Go Karts after dinner at Go Kart World or whatever it was called and roared around the track. Well……some of us roared. Kimberley and I found ourselves being aggressive with some teenage boys who thought that they could beat the old ladies. They did beat us. Drat!!! But I did tell those naughty boys that they were lucky that we were leaving because they would not be so lucky the next time. They laughed. The nerve.

Sunday was a restful day, a day of dreaming for At His Feet Ministries. We arrived home early evening. Then………Monday!

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? Someone ripped off my oxygen mask. Back to the real world with pressure and stress. One of the speakers talked about living lively in the valley, which Kimberley reminded me of last night as I was having a bit of a panic attack. “I do not feel lively, I feel deadly.” This morning in my quiet time I read that “What is the price of five sparrows? A couple of pennies? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7
What was that? A puff of oxygen?
This brings up several thoughts. (Big Surprise.

One, I have tons of hair and He know them all? Does He know which ones are gray and why? Some of my gray hairs have names. Most of them have my name because I cause myself stress. But there are a few that have other people’s name on them. Maybe it is time for a name change for those hairs. Forgiveness!!!!!!!!!!

Two, I just went from blonde back to dark brunette which is my natural colour. I have been every colour under the sun and now I am back to the colour that God chose for me. He has been with me through every colour and hair style. My goodness we have been through thick and thin, good cut and bad cut, light and dark. He is still here. I am valuable to Him.

I will end with this funny story. After we arrived home from the weekend away I told my husband, who by the way has always been supportive of my frequent hair changes that I was going to go back to my original colour. I said, “Honey, I am sorry but I can no longer be your sexy blonde wife.” He sweetly looked into my eyes and said,” Honey, you are my sexy wife…..periodically. I think you know what he meant to say but actually this is probably truer. We had a good laugh and quite frankly we have used the word periodically quite a bit the last few days.

Periodically..... we all need someone to place the oxygen mask of God's Word on our face so that we can breath. I have certainly needed that at times as have you. It's what we are to be for each other. Keep our own mask on so that we can help others and if we find that circumstances have knocked off our mask and we are too hurting to put it back on make sure that you have surrounded yourself with others that can put the mask back on you. We are to support each other and spur each other on. If someone's mask is off and they are laying there gasping for air gently reach over and give them truth of God's Word and whisper in their ear, "You are valuable. You are not alone" Watch the colour come back into thier face and then walk on together.

Good Night John Boy!

Do you remember the show "The Walton's"? I loved that show. I loved all the characters but I had a real crush on John Boy. I can still here the theme song in my mind. It brings up feelings of nostalgia even now bringing a tear to my eye. That was when T.V. was good.

My grandma and grandpa had a cabin on a lake in the Ozarks. In the beginning it was one large room and a screened in porch. Later they built on a bedroom and retired there. But in the early days it was a tiny tiny place. Our entire extended family would converge on that magical red house and spend hours laughing, playing games, eating home made ice cream and fishing off the dock. It is one of my favorite spots in the world. At night there would be people sleeping everywhere and as the lights were turned off someone would start it, "Good Night John Boy". And on and on it would go. Until everyone was wished a good night sometimes twice with lots of snickering.

I loved waking up to the smell of bacon frying and biscuits baking. I can still see Grandma standing at the stove. She has been gone for 24 years ......how I miss her. Then again my mom looks more like her everyday and I realize that she is making the same impact on her Grandchildren that my Grandma made on me. That's cool. I hope that I can do the same. They are big shoes to fill.

Back to the Walton's.......I think my love for writing began with that picture of John Boy sitting over his Big Chief tablet with a pencil writing his thoughts. I look at my lap top and laugh. This makes writing so easy.....gone are the days of hand writing. And yet I have a desire to find a bench or a big tree and a tablet of paper and a pencil and write "old fashion" style. I think that is my goal this summer.........back to basics. Just my thoughts and a piece of paper. I know just the place. A cottage over looking Lake Huron. It is God's way of saying, "It is time, now write".